So She Dances
by Cyd the Squid
Summary: Spike watches Buffy as she struggles through life after her resurrection. Buffy realizes that she may have more complex feelings than she even realized when she died.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

*****

Spike again stood outside her window – smoking, watching, and waiting. He knew that he would eventually see her and she would make a short appearance. In the others company, those worthless people she still seemed to want to call friends, she would freeze up and become silent; however, when she entered her room, her private sanctuary, at night, she would let herself go – at least for a few minutes.

That's what he watched and waited for – to see, at least for a few minutes, the peace that would overcome her features.

*****

Spike hadn't been surprised when she had first told him where she had been – heaven – those stupid gits had actually thought she had been in hell. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had told him she had been lost in another dimension had her body actually disappeared when it fell into the dimensional gateway. He knew, however, when her body had crumpled to the ground that the dimension had closed, thereby killing her. It's why he had grieved so hard – he knew that he would never see her again. Or he shouldn't have, had God had his way. But no – some red-head witch thought that she knew best and ripped her supposed best friend straight from heaven.

He had been surprised, however, when she actually told him, her enemy, where she had been. To confide in a soulless, evil being, he knew she had to have been in a rough place – alone with no one to turn. He had listened and supported to the best of his ability, but he really didn't have much to say – what can you say? So instead he had made the decision to watch, protect, and love.

He knew that she realized he was watching her outside of her window. But since his silent vigil didn't seem to bother her, he was going to continue until she told him to leave. It killed him to see her each night dancing, at first in peace until the peace turned to pain and then to tears.

*****

Buffy knew he watched her, not only outside her window, but whenever he was around her – at the Magic Box, while slaying, and in her house. She knew he was worried about her, and she wished she could tell him she was okay but she couldn't because she knew she wasn't okay. So instead she let him see the little bit of peace she did feel when she was in her room dancing. Although she usually broke down by the end of the dance, it wasn't out of pain as she was sure he thought - it was because for once in her miserable existence she felt happy because she knew someone truly cared for her – she just wished she could tell him that.

*****

Spike still loved her. He hadn't really told her since that blasted spell, but he did and tried to show it in small ways. That first night she appeared at the top of the stairs, he felt his heart stop all over again. If he had needed to, he wouldn't have been able to breathe. She was an absolute miracle. And although he would have never wished her from her peace, he was grateful to have one more chance to look at her and breathe in her scent.

Even now, after all her hardships, she was enchanting.

*****

Buffy wished he would realize that her feelings had deepened since the night she died. She had wanted to talk to him after the battle with Glory and tell him of her changing feelings and that she had meant every word she had initially said to him. She did think of him as a man not a monster, and now she thought she could maybe, someday come to love him. But now she wasn't so sure that he loved her – especially since she had become so depressed and despondent as of late. She knew he cared, but she didn't know if it was the same love he had expressed before she had fallen. Each night though as she danced, she prayed that he would come to her once again and help her find the true comfort and peace she had come to accept only he could give.

*****

Spike had decided that tonight he would confront her. Although he knew that it could end their relationship forever and he would no longer be able to silently watch and protect her, he knew that watching would no longer be enough. He wanted to be able to stand by her side and help her through her trials. He wanted to be able to hold her as she danced and then kiss the tears away.

*****

Neither Buffy nor Spike could have guessed the other's reaction. When Spike entered her room that night and wrapped her in his arms while she danced, he became speechless when she turned in his arms and buried her face into his neck. And when Spike whispered his undying love for Buffy in her ear, she cried in relief and whispered her love back.

*****

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